Voted for Obama, My Head Triumphant over my Heart

I literally decided on the way to the booth, having more or less made up my mind last night to go with Hillary because I dont like being part of trends (in this case the surge for Obama with Caroline Kennedy, Maria et al)and because I found myself emotionally torn up and in acute sympathy with Hillary every time I turned on the TV and heard about polls showing Obama surging. Screw it, I said, I may not be able to rationally justify a Hillary vote, but, for whatever reason, I feel great affection for her and thats good enough. So I was 99 percent of the way to a Hillary vote, but it turned out that I had plenty of time to re-think everything because when I arrived at my usual voting place at South Mountain School, I was informed that they had stopped holding elections there a couple of years ago. So I called Millburn Township and was told I was supposed to vote at St. Stephen's Church on Main Street, but when I got there, the volunteers couldnt locate my name and said my polling place was actually the town library.

So the whole riggamarole took almost an hour, and by the time I arrived at the library, I had plenty of time to reconsider and was suddenly grabbed by the consideration that, at least right now, Barack looks more electible against McCain. If the GOPers were about to nominate Romney or some other ultra-righty, then I could afford to vote my heart with Hillary, but given McCain's appeal to independents, Barack's even stronger appeal to same and Hillary being such a catalytic agent in firing up the Republicans, Obama suddenly appeared the only responsible vote. Plus, I totally bought his argument during the last debate that his 'right from the start' stance on the war puts him in a stronger position to push back against McCain's "white flag" demagoguery, while Hillary, having already voted to authorize the war and being afraid of looking soft, might try again to split the difference on the issue and end up prey to the 'flip flopper' charge. So sentimentality out the window and one vote for Obama. But somehow, if she pulls off an upset tonight and wins NJ and other states, I'll actually end up feeling releived. My head says Obama and my heart Hillary, but unlike my feelings concerning Israel, where I give primacy to my heart over my head, on this one I went with what Russians call 'kapilka', i.e. brain cells.

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Undecided to the end

Its less than 48 hours before the NJ primary and I still cant make up my mind between Barack and Hillary. I keep thinking I've decided to go with Obama, and then something pulls me back. Just now it was the thought that Obama has the momentum and the fashionable endorsements, which immediately pushed my thought process in a pro-Hillary direction. The Wolf Blitzer debate in Hollywood confirmed me in the conviction that Hillary has a superb command of the issues--but Obama appeared to be equally strong. I've never seen such two clearly superior candidates debate; nor, for that matter can I remeber an occasion when I found myself unable to make up my mond--meaning I am likely to go into the voting booth undecided. OK--at this point I'm leaning toward Obama, but could well flip at the moment it comes time to flip the lever.

Obama does seem to me to have a slightly better chance to win, although that may simply be because the Republican attack machine has already done its work of trashing her over so many years, whereas they've barely started on Obama yet. I liked very much how he laid out during his debate with Hillary his response to the anticipated (actually already articulated McCain charges of 'waving the white flag' and 'tax and spend liberal'. Hillary has shown to her discredit, especially with her Iraq vote, that she cast votes to look tough so as to be able to fight the GOP in '08. Barrack will stand up for the liberal position and not bend--and believes that will work better politically. We will see, but certainly that unapologetic quality, even as he reaches across the aisle for millions of independents and a few Republicans disenchanted with the Republicans' divide and rule games, is inspiring.

So why am I still undecided if, in general, I think Obama holds the better hand? I suppose it is great sympathy for Hillary going back to 1992--wishing she had been running the show instead of her feckless husband. Her heart remains profoundly prgressive even if she has made 1000 compromises along the way to get to this point. And now after all of that to have it all pulled away from her by this brash young guy out of nowhere--an African-American no less, thereby equalling, or even trumping, her 'first' (woman) quality. Well, it just aint fair, and I guess my loyalty to her stems primarily from that feeling. Also, that she may be made of tougher human stuff and will be less likely to compromise core Democratic priorities, as her husband clearly did and Obama might. But again---who knows? If Obama has a chance at being a 'transformative' candidate--much more so than Hillary, who am I to say 'no' to that inspiring tableau? Well, maybe 40 plus years of mostly grim political experience, maninly, of course, as an observer. The American people rarely fail to validate my worst fears, lapping up the GOP poison now for 40 years like so many Pavlov's dogs and blighting the millenial dreams of my generation. And now comes another guy evoking milleanial dreams. Yeah, right! Except at this time, if we dont go milleanial in a serious way, the world is likely to be destroyed within 50 years or so by global warming. In short, its now or never. So Go OBAMA,...I guess.

OK, to my readers, I recommend Obama but may still change my mind, myself, which may becme the first time in history that an endorser turns on his own candidate. Forunately, this election is not waiting with baited breath for my decision. So as John Edwards said in dropping out, I'll get out of the way and let history take its course. As Hillary said, this is a good choice to have--maybe the best choice we've ever had--but its still a choice that has to be made. In the end, I'll probably vote Barack. but tune in Tuesday for confirmation.

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